To a certain someone:

I know your eyes will never see this. That is why I write. The nights is dark and cold. My heart swells with love for my sweet gal with galaxy eyes. But still your eyes make me sad tonight. I know I’ll never know so many things. I know that it is better not to know some. But still… I hope one day you’ll find the joy you deserve in this life. I know I am just one more friend for you. Maybe I’m closer to your heart, maybe I’m one of the best friends you have. Maybe I am. Maybe not. But I believe you when you tell me that I’m close to your heart. I just want to say that you are one of the best friends I’ve had and ever will have. You don’t get close to know what a great friend you can be. I know your life has not been easy. No life ever will be easy, but yours I know is harder than most. Maybe that’s why we grow up so fast.

And yes, there are so many things you know that I know, but then again, I know some that you don’t. Many of them I’ll not be the one to teach, but I do hope you will learn them. And I just want to say that my friendship to you is a life long one. You will always be my friend. And I’ll always be there to help you. And I guess that in long words I’m just trying to tell you (even if you won’t read this) that I’m thankful I met you. I’m thankful for your sweetness. And I do hope that someday I’ll be able to look into your eyes and find more than that shade of sadness and too many tears that have been cried. I do hope you find happiness. Here I’ll be to see you glow.

Why must we falter when all light consumes light? Why once the dark comes we must be left astray and fall in love with lovers of the night? And why the bonfires and the guitars and the gypsy voices must be so seductive once the night falls and all is said with a kiss or a rose. We are all so cold and yet so warm, so alone yet so happy. It a strange world, it is a wonderful world. And I sometimes need a akiss or a rose to say it all. And not always misery loves company. Sometimes misery is miserable and alone, but once the guitars sing and the fires roar, she forgets her sroud of tears and dances in firy red through the night. We cannot be more than what we are, we are all we are. But once the night comes and the dance begins we forget our names and tears and we becaome what we always wanted to be. What we should have been given the chance. We are used to be so so little when we are so much. We are always so much but we forget to be so.

That’s the seraphic deviltry left astray in our world. The one that makes us feel so little and so afraid once the moon is shining.

But as some say… look at us but do not touch.

Go and go now… but well…. what are we in the end?

Gray is the Evening, but tender is the Night
When lovers twine and entwined they lie
While hours are spent in tears or joy
And angels drape their eyes behind the sun.

Gray is the Evening, but tender is the Night
When no more words are spoken nor thought
And all lies deep within the eyes, glowing
Hoping and dreaming of the morning’s sun.

Gray is the Evening, but tender is the Night
While some may say that the night is cruel
And others may whisper that it is cold and long
And right they will be, for not a hope is left.

For gray is the evening and cold is the night
While rain pours outside, and I lie here alone
Still entwined within the thoughts of such nights 
When carelessly we said, that tender is the night.

Once I dreamt of a shadow so dark it clouded my eyes, and all there was, was a black shield. Once I disguised my eyes with a storm cloud. And I pretended not to care about the people at the edge of night. Once I pretended not to love. Cause love is indeed such an old fashioned word. But well, I’m an old fashion kind of guy. But you know… love it is about caring. It is about caring for others, as well as yourself. Love is about becoming a better person everyday. Love is about setting free, love is about building life long bonds that will never become chains or ropes to tie someone. Love is wings, love is wanting to see a smile in a face. love is about being there when someone needs you. And no matter if it is to laugh or cry, love means that you are not alone.

Maybe that’s why we all need love. Cause no one wants to feel alone. And life without love is utterly pointless. If you don’t love yourself, if you cannot care for someone when the night falls, if you don’t need to be hugged, if you don’t want to hug. Life is utterly pointless that way. Cause we all need to cry and laugh sometimes. And both of them are dreadfully painful to do when you are alone. Well, laughing is not painful, but it may be sad not to share such joy. but there is no point in crying alone. Never. And to whom are you gonna trust your tears? Be glad if there is people who love you, for they will be there to collect them and turn them into laughter.

And no… the world does not turn around love. But it should. At least for me. Cause I care, I may care too much, I know. But I do care, and I do try to draw a smile, and I’ll always be there. And I love you…

And I love you…

And I love you…

And my dearest star, look up to the sky tonight and see the moon and see how much I love you. And it is no Cats in the Cradle, or American Pie.. no it is not just another song. It is not Julia, or If I fall. It is not even All My loving. It is just the oldest song. It is just the most amazing and complicated words ever. It is just what we have always tried to understand, but never managed to. And it might be better this way. It is all about love. But about what else can it be.

Night has come, and it is late now. I know I’ve made mistakes before, I’m sure I’ll make them again. I think I just made one, never call at night before checking the hour. Sometimes it can be very late. But that’s ok. Once or twice, we are all waken up by a phone call at night. Maybe we can wonder about the implications of such calls… whatever thoughts people can make when they are in the arms of sleep and some strange voice asks for someone who is not there. And well, maybe there is where a simple mistake may become huge. And forgiveness may not be enough… or it all might be just a joke. Oh well, what do I know? I haven’t slept in hours, in days. Sometimes I feel I’m losing my mind… but well, I think I have been losing it for a long time.

Now sleep is seducing me in its arms, and I write, just waiting for the hour to wake up an angel half around the world with another phone call. But I do not worry about the implications of this call. This call I just to say I love her… just to say I miss her… truth be told, just to hear her voice and hear her say that everything is ok, that I can fall asleep with no worry in my mind. Is it such a crime, to care about the well being of the ones you love when the hour grows late and night falls fast upon us? I mean… besides all you can do with a phone.. its main use should be that, to just calm your crazy thoughts and hear a voice on the other side assuring that everything is ok. That they are safe and sound. Is it such a crime to call and say, hey, have a good night, hey how are you? Maybe it might be… who really knows? I’m sure I don’t. 

My point… phone calls are just phone calls. Night calls are made just to say thank you, or good night, or I love you. Sometimes they are calls for help, calls to stop the loneliness. Calls to say, I feel so fucking alone, to say I need to talk. Night calls are always the most important. They are the purest and and most desperate calls ever. Cause it sucks to feel alone, and it sucks when the night grows cold and there is nothing but yourself to warm you. But you can always search for a warm voice somewhere in the world to warm you. And to calm you. And to make you breathe. 

Maybe all you look for in a night call… is one simple I love you.

How do you define yourself? How do others define you? I guess that sometimes for not saying all times, we must be changed by others. Every person to cross your path will have an effect on you. How deep and how long that effect is, well that depends of the person and of you. But there is always a lesson in every action, and most of the times there are scars or some sort of evidence that will say, yes that happened,a nd no matter how hard I try, that will never change. We can avoid making the same mistakes anew, but the old ones rest deep within our hearts, warning us from the pain to come.

We all make mistakes. Some are simple, stupid, and perhaps traumatic, but not to deep, and not lasting. Some are not traumatic, but are deep and lasting. And some mistakes, well, we live with them for the rest of our lives, hoping to learn the most out of them. Sometimes, we humans go to the very edge of the cliff, look down, and then we realize that jumping may be not so right. Sometimes we realize that when we are miles away from the edge. Sometimes we realize it while we are falling. Other, well, we must hit rock bottom, once, twice or thrice before we learn not to jump. I guess that either mind or heart matters before choosing to jump or not to. Sometimes they work together for a better outcome, but most of the times they just leave a mess behind. That’s why I listen to my brain, then forgot all what it said and listen to my heart. Cause, my brain knows what is best, or at least pretends to know. But sometimes, the best is not the best. Sometimes, the best is just a false sense of security or success.  Sometimes the best is just an illusion. But my heart always knows what makes me happy, always knows what I truly need. My heart is naked of all vanities, of all pressures, of all pretensions. It is just me. The weak and strong me. The one that sometimes knows I need to fall, or look straight from the edge. It is my heart that tells me, once the night has come, that I love. And that my love is true. And that I’m crazy in love. And there is no need to hide, or to pretend, or to wear a mask. No… there is just the need to love, and to be loved. And no matter how sweet alien caresses may be… I only long for her hands, for her lips, for her soft weight deep in the dark of a movie theater. I only miss her when the night comes and I’m all alone in the shadows of my own thoughts.

And maybe then.. or perhaps it was later or earlier, I realize and understand what love  sometimes mean. And it is not always being there no matter what. Sometimes it means letting go too. But love really makes us take a look in the mirror and say, I love, and I am loved. And I should take care of me. And of my heart, and of the ones I love. Cause we all mean something. And yes, some stories will end bitterly, others will end sweetly. Most of them just end and fade in the mist of memories. But some last forever, they change, just as their writers change. But once they begin, there is a force bigger than life that makes them go through all ups and downs to the end. And those are the best stories of your life. Sometimes they may have gaps. But gaps are also important, if not more than their counterparts. Cause absence makes the heart grow fonder, and distance is like the wind. And when there is an ocean between two hearts, it may only take a day to know that this story is far, far away from the end. Because something deep inside of you makes click, and you realize that you don’t love that person just because of whom that person is, but because of who you are when you are with that person, and who you want to be because of that person. And people that inspire you in such ways, they always remain in the heart, in the eyes, deep under the skin. They remain there forever, because thy know the pain will be far much worse if they dare say goodbye and lost each other in the mist. Some call this people soul mates, I just call them friends from the heart. Because their feelings remain pure despite all the shit. Because they were meant to know and walk together life. Because of whatever higher power that rules our fates knows that we can’t do it alone. Because we have so much inside of us, we cannot carry it all, so we must find hearts to share whatever we need to share. Because we are alone, but we hate to be so. Because our hearts beat, and our souls sings. For whatever reason we meet and we part, for whatever reason we stay, we share our hearts.

And I share my heart with you my love. And here I am for when you need to share something. Cause above everything we are heart friends. Because above everything I will always want you in my life.

I love you truly. I do.

Te amo 

Ya has partido, amor mío. Ya entre las nubes vuelas en búsca de nuevos mundos. Y yo me quedo aquí viendote volar. Es tan hermoso y sí, un poco doloroso. Soy conciente que no todo ha sido perfecto, y que a veces debemos decender al infierno para poder volver a volar más alto. Pero se que te acompaño en cada caída y en cada retorno a lo alto. Y es maravilloso todo lo que siento por tí. Y todo lo que inspiras en mí.

Así que compartamos un té. Hermosa primavera de cálido sol, aún el cielo sonríe por nosotros y llora junto a nuestros corazones. Aún somos increiblemente mágicos y dulces. Aún somos Muffins y suspiros al viento. Aún podemos ser cualquier cosa que soñemos y desemos. Así que parte dulcemente y encuentra el sol. Tal vez somos como Ícaro y buscamos volar lo más cerca del soly quemamos nuestras alas. Pero siempre podemos repararlas, de alguna u otroa forma el sol siempre vuelve y siempre podemos sonreír de nuevo.

Quisiera darte todo el amor y la libertad del mundo, así que te los doy. Siempre contaràs con mi corazón. Sonríe y seamos radiantes.

Te amo.

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Frail… you might as well be me. You know it. You can feel it deep beneath your bones. And in all there is in the moon. You know I never cared much for the lessons of attrition. You know I never cared too much for what they said. Some may think it is formulaic, some may say it is manic. I say it is frail, for I am human, therefore frail. I am made of stardust too. But you might as well be me. We might be frail.

But we are also strong. All broken bones heal stronger. All that harms us might make us stronger. May make us stranger.. may kill us in a wink. It is up to you. You choose when it is worth standing up and biting back. You know… there will be a time… you will see. There will be a time when you will fight, not for wining, nor for loosing but because you need to. You’ll find the cause or person that will make you stand your ground no matter if you win or lose. Because there are sometimes things that are bigger than life. And sometimes life is a small price you pay. Sometimes, I say. 

Life is there to be lived. You will suffer, no one promised you a rose garden, and if someone did, then that someone lied. But don’t worry, there will be plenty of roses for you. Sometimes you may have to go and gather them yourself. Not always there will be someone to bring them to you. And once or twice you will find a thorn. But that is ok. That’s fine. Life could be boring if it was too easy. We could never learn a thing. We could be so lost. 

That’s life. 

Life is that. 

Giving meaning to it is left to you. You are the only one who can, for life is yours to be lived.  

Where are you, my sisters? Both so torn and destroyed. Do you still despise me, Raven? I would presume you do. Are we still pretending we don’t exist, Sabrina? I guess we do. But let me tell you, it is ok. Its been a long year, and I have stopped suffering because of your evil ways. I have taken back my soul from all the mess you left. And it is ok. THere is no need to fight anymore. Go and find sense and meaning somewhere in your lives. The Epic tale is over. We never wrote and ending, nonetheless, the ending came. That’s life. So… in spite of all the odds and circumstances, I’m ok without it.

I’m just like a leaf. I may fall to the ground without a sound, the swiftest of the winds can carry me through places I have never seen. But I can fly, I can shine, I can do all what leaves do. I can make the sun shine. I can go and smell the flowers, I can grow and see the world.

And it is funny how sometimes we care so much for the approval of those we appreciate or hold high in the stupid region of our souls. Love is accepting. And well, I loved you.. once. But I never accepted you. I’m sorry Sabs, but that’s the way life is. Now that I accept you as you are, we both know love is over. It is a heart life, and you know it.

And why do I still care? Guess I need to remove some thorns from my side. Yet, am I not the one that sleeps on thorns but cannot feel the pain? Stupid times they were. we all know that. But sometimes change can be so so hard to accept. And to embrace. But we need to change, or we die. It is just evolution, it is just adaptation, it is just struggling for our lives. And sometimes we charge, sometimes we retreat, sometimes we fly, sometimes we bury ourselves in the dirt. And there will be blood, and tears, and smiles, and sunlight, and everything you can imagine. No one ever went through live and said that lived without facing all that. As a certain someone once told me in a dark hour: “Love, Suffer, Desire, Yearn, Hate, fail, all that is beautiful, all that is worth living, cause it is life after all. But as you need to experience it all, you cannot linger forever feeling down. So cheer up and go hunt for better times.”  

So, Sis, cheer up and go hunt for better times. So, everyone, cheer up and go hunt for better times. Tears will be cried, smiles will be smiled and all will be worthy. Remember to live your life. Don’t waste your years sitting by the window, waiting for something to come. Go and search for it. Go and fight for it. Not always everything will be easy. Not always everything will be hard. But you need to do something. You can’t stand still and wait for the bad to go and the good to come. I f you do it, you’ll find yourself being forty and realizing you have not lived the life you were given. So you buy a Ferrari and pretend everything is ok. But a Ferrari will never make things ok. Have you ever seen American Beauty? Well, there you have a hint of what not living your life is like. And there you have a hint of what may happen if you never live it. Cause we are all beautiful, and we are all mad. 

But as Plato once said, or maybe it was someone talking about Plato. What else can you expect of a race that has no place or means to live their lives? What can you expect of a race that has to build a space and a way to live. And well, we have failed, but I hope we keep on trying.

Sometimes there is no need of tears to cry. Sometimes tears just fall from the sky and into our eyes. Sometimes tears fall between two hearts and swam at the eyes. Sometimes there is too much sorrow for a single heart to bare. And not always everything beautiful dies, and not always everything goes as planned, and sometimes you fall and bite the dust, and sometimes you find it hard to get back into your own two feet. Sometimes you know you have to stand there against all and everything, but you may fail as well. Sometimes you need the winds of despair to carry you along for a while. No matter what, I guess it is always a tender trip on Earth.

Soon tears will fall from the sky anew. But my heart foresees they will be mine. And there will be no eyes for them to fall into. Just the void of the night and the hopes and dreams for the Winter to come. But it is ok. I just pray to the moon for her happiness. I pray for her fears to be faced and defeated every single day. Cause I know you can’t live your whole life in fear and despair. That only leads to death. Oh, but what am I saying?

I just love you little Spring.       
And that’s all.
I know we can go through hard times
I know we’ve had wonderful times.
I know life is a roller coaster
Full of ups and downs.
Sometimes we both go up
But sometimes we go down.
And we can’t blame us for that. 
It just the ways of life.
But no matter what
We can always find the light anew.
Maybe we need to cry
Or to smile
Or to die and be born again.
Sometimes we just need to send everything to hell and fall into our arms.
You will always have my arms, heart, brains, and soul.

Te amo, amo  a ti.